Beauty Ensues

I stand quietly in the cold January air tonight
Wandering through the emotions and feelings I hold on tight
I choose what to keep and what to leave behind
My eyes slowly close and I see with my mind
In my head memories have faces
And emotions make their own separate places
I find myself in a dusty room,windows on each side
The wooden floor creaks,so many things the shadows hide
Upon a table sits a candle, I pick it up held firmly in my hand
It lights on its own spreading its light from where I stand
I see empty desks all around
Written pages cover every inch of the ground
I reach to the floor and pick up a single page
I read so much pain,anger and rage
Looking over more I see these are moments on which I have yet to reflect
They have all piled up over years of neglect
I spend weeks piecing them all together and putting them in line
Such a mess at times these many moments of mine
I bind them with courage and place them down with sorrow
Ill look back on all of this in the days of tomorrow
I close my eyes again and I feel the wind take me
It roars louder as I find myself weightless and free
Thunder cracks my eyes open,I’m floating high above amongst dark clouds and rain
With every drop upon my skin I feel solitude and pain
When lightning flashes I see the shapes of clouds are faces
And a trail of light for every time my mind paces
I shake and shudder to this empty feel
Of a time when nothing felt true and only pain was real
I spread my arms and quickly begin to fall
Down through the rain and thunder and straight out the bottom of it all
I see the world below and the morning sun shines upon land
I feel the warmth of hope burning in my hand
I once again let me eyes close
A single tear drips softly from my nose
Its quiet now as I drop softly to my knees
My eyes open to thorns sprouting from long dead trees
A forest barren of life yet so beautiful to see
I venture forward cautiously wondering what this place is to me
Ankle deep leaves hide the would be dangers on the ground
A dense thick fog can be seen from all around
Dead vines hang from worm broken branches
In the distance a fire fiercely dances
I muster my will and head slowly toward the fire
I push on through thick brush with curiosity as my only desire
The thorns scrape and poke,slowly I bleed
Yet I endure it all to fulfill this insatiable need
Through the last bit of brush I emerge torn and broken on the other side
I could barely stand and felt so weak as I tried
The fire burned on the banks of a calm still lake
I looked into the water with an urge I could no forsake
Not a single ripple, I gazed upon my scared reflection
And I wondered what brought me in this horrid direction
I turned around and pace toward the fire the ground crunching loudly beneath my feet
Standing next to the fire the journeys end felt bittersweet
I take a moment to try and clear my head
The fire grows hotter and quickly starts to spread
Embers float slowly through the air as the flames cover all I see
And even though I’m standing in the middle of it all it doesn’t ever burn me
I feel anger and a seething sense of rage
Like I’m trapped in silence and screaming is my cage
I feel ashamed as I realize I know this wretched place
A gaze back toward the water and I see hate upon my face
This is where my anger ruined parts of other peoples lives
Every moment stabbed at me like dull rusty knives
I fall into the water and it gently calms my mind
Such is the price when you look within never knowing what you’ll find
My eyes close and anger fades away
I wish to be here no longer and waste another day
Floating in water gives way to a cold eerie feel
I open my eyes and find myself in a frozen field so lifeless and still
I venture forward through the falling snow
Each step a crunching echo unsure where to go
I walk for what seemed like eternity through bitter endless miles
Through a realm void of all happiness and smiles
I come to a cliff,i walk cautiously to the edge
I sit slowly to rest myself with my feet dangling from the ledge
The snow stops and I gaze upon the giant glowing moon
I have been here before but didn’t think id come back so soon
From the cliff I gaze upon my fears and inhibitions below
And many shameful things I never want to show
I feel regret and remember the things that passed me by
Because I was to afraid to pursue them or too discouraged to try
So many things unseen in the past long and old
Here they have found their eternal resting place frozen in the cold
Everyone represents an opportunity or a memory lost
And right next to it everything I could have had that my inability to act had cost
I relived them all and through it many lessons learned
When the work was done I closed my eyes and turned
Back in the world in the January night
My arms crossed so firm and tight
In one hand all the things I have to throw away
I throw them to the wind and let them go today
I sigh softly to be relieved of the weight
Thankful to drop them before it was too late
In the other hand all the things I want to keep
Forgotten love and new found hope buried so deep
I hold them close,grip them tightly in my palm
A feeling of wisdom showers over me so gently and calm
Freedom from pain for paying my dues
Blackness pours from my heart and beauty ensues

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